How to clear a doctors waiting room (and fray a mother's nerves while you're about it)
1. Take one four-year-old child.
2. Let that child be the son of a Hubby who does not like needles and icky things.
3. Give the child a supposedly unbreakable bowl.
4. Have your heart in your mouth as the child falls down the step with the bowl, smashing the bowl into pieces and running his hand into the fragments.
5. Pick up the child, now with 4 very deep, nasty cuts on his hand and wrist.
6. Put the nearest clean towel onto the hand and apply firm pressure.
7. Reassure yourself that a major blood vessel has not been cut and he will live. Likewise reassure husband and other children that an ambulance is not needed.
8. Do gymnastics to put the child into the car seat and do up seat belts while holding onto the hand with Hubby carrying the child.
9. Be thankful that a medical centre is open at 5 pm on a Saturday afternoon.
10. Hold down the child while the doctor injects local anaesthetic with the child screaming at full volume.
11. When the stitching is happening, continue to hold child while child screams, "I don't want the pointy thing, I don't want the scissors, ouch, ouch, OUCH!!" for 15 minutes solid. (At the same time keep an eye on Hubby, also holding child, to make sure he's not going to faint on top of you - he didn't).
12. After all of this you'll now find the waiting room vacant as the would-be-patients have left before facing the torture chamber.
13. Have some valium.
Whilst the bandaging process was happening, the nurse told Mike that he'd have some pretty good scars to show his girlfriend in a few years time. Mike told her he had a girlfriend. "That's news to me!" I exclaimed. Mike went on to explain to the nurse, "Her name is Anika." When I explained that Anika was his sister the nurse agreed with me that it was soooo sweet. The doctor's parting comment was along the lines that we'd all be a bit deafer now.
2. Let that child be the son of a Hubby who does not like needles and icky things.
3. Give the child a supposedly unbreakable bowl.
4. Have your heart in your mouth as the child falls down the step with the bowl, smashing the bowl into pieces and running his hand into the fragments.
5. Pick up the child, now with 4 very deep, nasty cuts on his hand and wrist.
6. Put the nearest clean towel onto the hand and apply firm pressure.
7. Reassure yourself that a major blood vessel has not been cut and he will live. Likewise reassure husband and other children that an ambulance is not needed.
8. Do gymnastics to put the child into the car seat and do up seat belts while holding onto the hand with Hubby carrying the child.
9. Be thankful that a medical centre is open at 5 pm on a Saturday afternoon.
10. Hold down the child while the doctor injects local anaesthetic with the child screaming at full volume.
11. When the stitching is happening, continue to hold child while child screams, "I don't want the pointy thing, I don't want the scissors, ouch, ouch, OUCH!!" for 15 minutes solid. (At the same time keep an eye on Hubby, also holding child, to make sure he's not going to faint on top of you - he didn't).
12. After all of this you'll now find the waiting room vacant as the would-be-patients have left before facing the torture chamber.
13. Have some valium.
Whilst the bandaging process was happening, the nurse told Mike that he'd have some pretty good scars to show his girlfriend in a few years time. Mike told her he had a girlfriend. "That's news to me!" I exclaimed. Mike went on to explain to the nurse, "Her name is Anika." When I explained that Anika was his sister the nurse agreed with me that it was soooo sweet. The doctor's parting comment was along the lines that we'd all be a bit deafer now.
posted by Mrs Q @ 3:20 AM
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